Lessons from an RAF Pilot: Patience and Precision in Conflict

RAF pilot Ronald Walker crouching to greet a local Egyptian child during his service posting in the early 1950s

I was twenty-four when Egypt first settled into my bones. Not the Egypt of postcards and pyramids, but the Egypt of hot concrete runways shimmering under a white sun, the smell of aviation fuel drifting lazily across the dispersal pans, and voices floating up from the town markets beyond the wire where life continued with a rhythm entirely indifferent to war or empire.

My name is Ronald Walker, Pilot Officer in the Royal Air Force, and in 1954 I was stationed at RAF El Adem, just south of Tobruk. Officially, we were there to maintain stability and British interests across the region. Unofficially, we were young men flying fast aeroplanes, half-believing ourselves immortal.

I flew the de Havilland Mosquito — the “Wooden Wonder,” though by then she was becoming something of an elder stateswoman among aircraft. She lacked the brute modernity of the jets beginning to appear in other squadrons, but she possessed grace, reach, and a peculiar liveliness that made her feel less like a machine and more like a partner that rewarded care and punished arrogance.

I adored her.

Most pilots spoke of aircraft in practical terms: speed, climb rate, armament, handling at altitude. I spoke of her balance in a banking turn, the almost musical note of the engines when the propellers bit cleanly into dense desert air, and the way she seemed to sense hesitation through the controls. She flew best when one flew with conviction.

El Adem itself was a curious posting. The base was British, of course — orderly, precise, regulated by paperwork and tea — but Egypt and Libya seeped through the edges of daily life. Local contractors worked on the ground crews. Traders supplied fruit and coffee that tasted like smoke and earth. Children waved at our vehicles with wide, fearless grins. We were strangers, yet not entirely unwelcome.

I took to it immediately. I enjoyed the people, their patience, their humour, their endless capacity to negotiate everything from carpet prices to philosophical disagreements with equal enthusiasm. I found the country beautiful in a severe way — the desert stretching to horizons that made a man aware of his smallness, while the towns bustled with stubborn human colour.

And I developed a reputation within the squadron for two things: flying well and playing squash even better.

The squash courts sat behind the officers’ mess, constructed from pale stone that trapped the day’s heat and released it slowly through the evening matches. Squash was an obsession for me. I had played at school, dominated the station tournaments, and, being young, I carried my success with an enthusiasm that bordered on performance.

“Walker will be insufferable if he wins again,” one of the ground crew said once within earshot.

I smiled at the time. I took it as confirmation of my superiority rather than warning of my youth.

One afternoon, after dispatching another unfortunate flight lieutenant in straight sets, I was approached by a corporal who worked liaison duties with local staff.

“There’s an Egyptian gentleman who would like a game,” he said.

“Is he service?” I asked, towelling my neck.

“No, sir. Civilian contractor. Maintenance supply, I believe.”

I shrugged. “Bring him along.”

The man who entered the court was slight, silver-haired, and easily past sixty. He wore loose cotton trousers and carried a battered racket that looked older than most of the squadron.

He bowed his head slightly.

“Mr Walker,” he said in careful English, “I am Hassan.”

I offered him a hand and the casual confidence of youth. “Ronald, please. We play best of three?”

He smiled politely. “As you wish.”

I remember the match with uncomfortable clarity. At first, I played as I always did — aggressive, fast, driving the ball deep into corners, forcing my opponent to chase. Hassan moved slowly, almost lazily, returning each shot with gentle placement rather than force.

Within minutes, I realised I was chasing him.

He placed the ball into spaces that required me to cover the entire court, while he moved with minimal effort. He changed pace unpredictably. He let me tire myself. Each rally became longer. Each return more humiliatingly precise.

I lost the first game badly.

The second was worse.

He never struck the ball harder than necessary. He never appeared hurried. When I attempted to rush him, he simply angled the ball past me. When I attempted power, he absorbed it. When I attempted cunning, he anticipated it.

He defeated me without once raising his voice or breaking into anything resembling exertion.

At the end, he bowed again and placed his racket under his arm.

“You play with great strength,” he said. “Strength is very useful when one also knows patience.”

I laughed — partly from exhaustion, partly from embarrassment.

“Where did you learn?” I asked.

He gestured vaguely toward the town. “I have played since before your father was born, I think.”

He left me with a handshake and a lesson I would carry long after I forgot individual matches. Skill was not merely power or speed. Skill was observation, restraint, timing, and the quiet confidence of experience.

From that day, I trained differently. I watched my opponents more closely. I listened. I learned to wait.

It was a lesson I never expected to require in the air.

RAF pilot Ronald Walker standing beside a traditional reed boat in Egyptian wetlands during the early 1950s
Ronald Walker during RAF service in Egypt in the early 1950s, photographed beside a traditional reed fishing or transport vessel in a wetland area. Off-duty travel allowed him to experience local culture and landscapes that shaped his lifelong affection for Egypt.

The political climate deteriorated gradually, then suddenly. Tensions between Britain and Egypt thickened into open hostility. Communications grew formal. Familiar faces at local markets disappeared. Patrol flights increased. Briefings adopted tones that replaced speculation with operational clarity.

War, when it comes, rarely announces itself with drama. It arrives disguised as administrative procedure.

I remember the morning it became real.

The desert air was unusually cool. I had just landed from a routine patrol when I climbed from the Mosquito and removed my helmet. The control tower — squat, glass-lined, permanently dust-coated — stood against the bright horizon like an observation post over an empty sea.

Inside that tower worked Arthur Bellamy, our senior air traffic controller. He was a meticulous man, fond of terrible jokes and immaculate handwriting. Two nights earlier, over whisky, I had asked him to be my best man when I returned home to marry Patricia.

He had accepted with theatrical solemnity.

I was still smiling about it when the siren began.

Not the drill siren. Not the routine alert. The full, continuous wail that stripped humour from the airfield in seconds.

Ground crews sprinted. Vehicles scattered. The tannoy crackled with overlapping instructions. A runner approached, breathless.

“Hostile aircraft inbound from the west. Multiple contacts. Scramble orders issued.”

I did not think of strategy. I thought of the tower.

I ran.

My navigator, Flight Sergeant Peter Langford — calm, methodical, infinitely reliable — was already climbing aboard. He handed me my helmet without speaking. We had flown together long enough to communicate through economy.

Engines fired. The Merlin engines coughed, roared, and settled into that deep, confident thunder that vibrated through the entire airframe. The scent of oil and hot metal filled the cockpit. I taxied with urgency restrained only by procedure drilled into muscle memory.

The radio burst with voices: scrambled instructions, altitude reports, requests for confirmation. Through the canopy, I saw anti-aircraft crews swinging their guns toward the horizon.

“Tower reports fast movers approaching at medium altitude,” Langford said quietly behind me. “Numbers uncertain.”

I acknowledged and opened the throttles.

The Mosquito surged forward, tail lifting, runway racing beneath us until gravity surrendered. We climbed steeply into the bright morning sky, banking toward the approaching threat.

For a moment, there was only blue and sun glare. Then shapes resolved against the haze.

Two aircraft. Single-engine fighters. Sleeker, faster silhouettes than ours.

Langford confirmed what my eyes already suspected. Egyptian Air Force.

I felt no shock. Only a narrowing of focus.

Below us, the airfield spread like a vulnerable map — hangars, fuel depots, the tower where Arthur would be coordinating defence, perhaps watching our climb with his usual unflappable calm.

The fighters descended toward the base with clear intent.

“Ronald,” Langford said, voice measured, “they’re lining for the tower and dispersal.”

I adjusted course, climbing to intercept. The Mosquito was not designed to out-dogfight modern single-engine fighters in sustained turning combat. But she retained advantages — heavy armament, high speed in a dive, and exceptional stability as a gun platform.

The lesson from Hassan surfaced unexpectedly. Do not rush. Observe. Let the opponent reveal his rhythm.

The Egyptian pilots split, one climbing, one diving toward the airfield. A coordinated attack.

I chose the higher aircraft first. The diving fighter would require time to re-climb after its run. The climbing pilot posed the immediate aerial threat.

I banked sharply, pushing the Mosquito into a climbing intercept. The Merlin engines protested slightly but held steady. The Egyptian pilot spotted us quickly and rolled into a tight turn, attempting to force us into overshoot.

He was skilled. His aircraft turned inside ours easily.

I resisted the instinct to follow directly. Instead, I widened the turn, preserving speed. The Mosquito shuddered slightly as we pushed her beyond comfortable limits, but she responded faithfully.

The Egyptian tightened his circle, expecting pursuit. I climbed slightly above his arc, then rolled down across his flight path, using gravity to increase closure speed.

“Guns ready,” Langford said.

The moment aligned — not by force, but by patience. The fighter crossed our sights. I fired.

The Mosquito’s nose-mounted cannons erupted, the recoil vibrating through the controls. Tracer lines stitched across the Egyptian aircraft’s wing root. Smoke burst from the engine cowling.

He attempted to break away, rolling sharply. For a second, our aircraft flew parallel, close enough that I glimpsed the pilot’s helmet turning toward us.

Then flame erupted along his fuselage. The fighter pitched downward, trailing black smoke as it spiralled toward the desert beyond the airfield.

There was no triumph in the moment. Only clarity. The engagement remained incomplete.

“Second aircraft commencing attack run,” Langford warned.

I rolled and dived toward the base. The second Egyptian fighter screamed across the runway line, guns firing. Dust and debris erupted near the tower. Anti-aircraft tracers clawed upward around him.

Rage did not guide me. Nor fear. Only a cold determination anchored by a singular thought: Arthur was in that tower.

The fighter pulled up steeply after his firing pass, climbing directly into our path. He saw us late. He attempted a defensive roll combined with a dive, using superior manoeuvrability.

This pilot was bold — perhaps younger, more aggressive. He executed sharp, unpredictable direction changes, attempting to exploit our heavier airframe.

I remembered Hassan again — the patient placement, the refusal to match energy with energy blindly.

Instead of chasing each turn, I anticipated the pattern. The fighter alternated high-G turns with brief straight accelerations to regain speed. I held slightly above his flight path, waiting for the straight segment.

It came after his fourth turn. He levelled momentarily, perhaps to assess our position or prepare another dive.

I dropped behind him and fired a controlled burst.

The rounds struck his tail assembly. The aircraft jolted violently, then entered an uncontrolled spin. He fought the controls desperately, levelling briefly before the aircraft rolled inverted and plunged downward.

I followed his descent only long enough to confirm impact beyond the perimeter. Then I pulled away, scanning for further threats.

The sky cleared. The radio settled into structured reports. Base defence confirmed no additional attackers.

I circled once, breathing slowly, allowing adrenaline to subside. The airfield below remained intact. The tower still stood.

“Tower reports minor damage,” Langford relayed after a pause. “No casualties confirmed.”

I closed my eyes briefly and exhaled.

The landing felt strangely ordinary. Wheels touched concrete. Engines wound down. Ground crew approached cautiously, faces searching for damage, then relief.

Arthur met me at the base of the ladder. His shirt sleeves were rolled, tie missing, hair dusted with debris.

“You’re still expecting me to stand as best man?” he said.

I laughed, though my hands trembled slightly as I removed my helmet.

“More than ever.”

He clasped my shoulder firmly.

The formal debrief occurred later. Reports were written. Engagement details recorded. Aircraft identifications speculated upon. Numbers, bearings, ammunition counts — the bureaucracy of survival.

Yet that night, sitting alone outside the mess, I found my thoughts returning not to victory, but to Hassan.

War had drawn lines across friendships, across markets and courts and conversations. Men who might have shared coffee or sport now flew toward each other with lethal intent. I felt no regret — only a heavy awareness of how swiftly roles change when governments redraw loyalties.

I thought of the Egyptian pilots’ skill. Their discipline. The courage required to fly directly into defended airspace. They had not been faceless enemies. They had been professionals, perhaps fathers, perhaps mentors to younger airmen as Arthur had been to us.

The desert night wrapped the base in quiet. Somewhere beyond the perimeter lights, life continued in villages and towns untouched by the morning’s violence.

Langford joined me eventually, offering two glasses of whisky without speaking. We drank in companionable silence.

“Good flying today,” he said at last.

“Good patience,” I replied.

Years later, when younger pilots asked me about that engagement, they expected tales of heroism or tactical brilliance. I told them instead about a squash court and an elderly Egyptian who taught me that strength without patience exhausts itself, while patience transforms strength into precision.

Flying, like sport, demanded reading an opponent’s rhythm. War demanded it with consequences no match could ever replicate.

RAF aircraft being serviced at El Adem airfield in North Africa during mid-20th century Royal Air Force operations
RAF aircraft undergoing servicing at El Adem airfield in North Africa during mid-20th century Royal Air Force operations. The base served as a key staging and operational location for British aircrews stationed in the region.
Credit: Public Domain RAF Official Photograph – Crown Copyright expired.

I carried that lesson through every flight afterward. It shaped how I approached conflict, negotiation, and eventually life beyond the cockpit.

Egypt remained dear to me despite everything. The people, the landscapes, the laughter, even the scorching wind across El Adem’s runways — all of it formed part of my youth and my understanding of the world’s complicated loyalties.

I never spoke lightly of that morning again. Not from sorrow, nor from pride, but from respect for the fragile line between friend and foe, and for the strange ways life teaches its most important lessons.

And whenever I stepped onto a squash court for the rest of my life, I looked first for patience before strength, hearing Hassan’s gentle voice reminding me that victory often belongs to those who wait long enough to understand the game.


Author’s Note

Some names have been changed. Ronald Walker (known to many as Johnnie Walker) died in December 2016 at the age of 87. Like many pilots with long careers, he shared countless stories with his family—this one among them. Although I have recreated and embellished elements of the narrative, the two central incidents at RAF El Adem—Ronald being comprehensively beaten at squash by a man nearly three times his age, and his shooting down of two enemy aircraft attacking the ATC—are events he himself described.

I Am Antonio Guttttteeeerrrrres!

Antonio Guterres speaking angrily at UN podium about unpaid United Nations dues

I am the Secretary-General.
This time the collapse is financial.
Not moral —
those have been rolling since the flag was stitched.

We are owed money.
A record sum.
We like records.
Most meetings per outcome.
Most languages per problem solved.
Most observers per massacre.

In 1994
eight hundred thousand people were killed in Rwanda.
We were present.
Presence is important.
We watched carefully.
We took notes.
Then we left.
Leaving is called restraint
when you have name badges.

In 1995
we declared Srebrenica safe.
The word safe survived.
Eight thousand people did not.
We reviewed our processes.
The processes survived.

Our peacekeepers went to Haiti
to help.
Ten thousand people died of cholera.
From the help.
We apologised.
Apologies do not require logistics.

We are neutral.
That is why the strong and the weak
get one vote each.
The United States pays a fifth
and speaks once.
Tuvalu speaks once.
Population eleven thousand.
Equality is very tidy on paper.

China pays.
China votes.
China sits on the Human Rights Council.
So do Eritrea and Sudan.
We put “human rights” in the title
to keep them nearby.

We condemn things.
Strongly.
Sometimes strongly-er.
The things continue.
But now they are condemned.
This is progress you cannot see.

We investigated Oil-for-Food.
Found billions missing.
Named thousands.
Prosecuted none.
Published a report
long enough to stop a door.

We have rules.
The rules say unused money
must be returned
to states that did not pay.
This is sustainability
as understood by people
who quote Kafka
instead of fixing things.

Our peacekeepers have guidelines.
The guidelines say
do not abuse the people
you are meant to protect.
The abuse continues.
But now it is against the guidelines.
This is accountability.

We may run out of cash by July.
This will affect operations.
Operations such as
watching
and expressing concern.

Please send money.
We promise to give some of it back
to those who didn’t send any.
That is the system.
We designed it.

Changing it would require a resolution.
The resolution would be optional.
Optional means ignorable.

I am not good at arithmetic.
Or prevention.
Or stopping things.

I run the United Nations.


Dedicated to Kenule Beeson Saro-Wiwa — Ken —
who spoke when silence was safer,
who wrote when truth was unwelcome,
and who stood for the land, the people, and the dignity of voice against power that mistook brutality for order.
May remembrance outlive repression, and may words continue where courage once paid the ultimate price.

An Unpaid Invoice

He has my pension,
sitting somewhere it no longer remembers me.

He has my property,
brick and paper converted into silence.

He has my investments,
years folded neatly into his pocket,
creased beyond recognition.

He owes me the remnants of a vast loan—
vast when it was mine,
residual now it is his.

He owes me four years’ salary,
four winters of restraint,
four summers of “next quarter”.

He took my business,
and with it the simple dignity
of earning my own living.

He does not speak to me.
Silence has become his chief operating system.

I do not know what he is doing to our business—
I still call it ours
out of habit,
or grief.

He will not reveal the revenue,
despite the healthy turnover,
despite the noise it makes when mentioned to others.

He will not let me see the books.
They are balanced, he says,
like a glass placed just out of reach.

He refuses to meet his commitments,
but meets his reflections daily
without discomfort.

He loses focus each time he draws breath,
as if attention itself
is an intolerable cost.

He thinks I am scary.
He thinks I am angry.
His imagination does the heavy lifting now,
running ahead of facts,
inventing menace where questions live.

He accuses me of disrespect,
of lacking faith—
faith, he says,
without evidence.

But faith is not required
when the truth is present.
Faith is a substitute,
not a virtue.

Respect has room for secrets—
for privacy, for timing, for restraint—
but it has no shelter for lies.

And somewhere between the numbers
I am not allowed to see
and the answers I am not allowed to ask,
my life waits
like an unpaid invoice,
long overdue,
still polite enough
not to shout.

Song of the Gentle Leviathan

A small open whaleboat on a cold, rough sea, one man rowing and another bracing with a harpoon, facing the immense shape of a Right Whale rising from the grey water.

To be sung to the tune of several bottles of rum while drinking the Wellerman Song

There once was a time on a cold grey sea
When men went out in boats of three,
With oars of ash and a hemp-rope coil
And iron heads for blood and oil.

Oh haul away, lads, haul away down,
The Wellerman comes when the work is done,
When the tongue’n is cut and the flensing’s begun,
Oh hold fast, boys, and pray for sun.

They found her rising at break of day,
A mountain of breath in a skin of grey,
She sounded deep, then rolled once more,
And the sea went still where she lay before.

The first iron flew and the second too,
And the water bloomed a darker blue,
She thrashed and turned in her mortal pain
Till the sea was rope and the rope was strain.

Oh haul away, lads, haul away slow,
Greed is a wind that a man won’t know,
We sing of profit, we sing of gain,
But the sea keeps count of every stain.

The boat ran close in the killing press,
Too near the flukes, too deep the mess,
One blow would have sent them to the deep,
To the cold black hold where the drowned men sleep.

But the whale rolled clear though the iron burned,
She held her body, she checked her turn,
She lifted her tail, then eased it down,
So the fragile boat stayed righted and sound.

No hand of hers was raised in hate,
No thought of vengeance, no thirst for fate,
Though speared and dying, she chose restraint,
While men cried out for oil and weight.

Oh haul away, lads, haul away blind,
We name it courage, we name it kind,
But what is a man when the beast he slays
Shows more care in its final days?

They took her tongue when the breath went thin,
They stripped the blubber, the bone, the skin,
And the Wellerman came with sugar and rum
To pay the price when the work was done.

But the sea remembers what men forget,
The balance broken, the quiet debt,
And somewhere deep in the turning tide
Drifts the mercy that the whale supplied.

So sing this song when the night winds moan,
Of the care she showed we’ve never shown,
That even dying, harpooned and torn,
She kept men safe who never learned.

Oh haul away, lads, haul away true,
Let one tear fall in the salt-spray too,
For the whale that died so men could take,
Yet spared their lives for mercy’s sake.

The Thin Wall Between Lies

Surreal machine made of IOUs glowing warmly in a dark room

Peter keeps the ledger.
Neat columns. Dates aligned.
“Paid,” he writes, in pencil,
because ink would be a lie.

The money is always coming.
Next week. After clearance.
Once accounts reconcile
with a future that never arrives.

Paul waits on the other side
of the same thin wall.
Different excuse. Same echo.
Funds delayed. Circumstances. Process.

Peter was told Paul had the cash.
Paul was told Peter spent it.
Between them, a corridor of promises
swept nightly, never furnished.

They do not argue anymore.
There is nothing left to dispute.
Only the quiet competence
of being unpaid in turns.

Somewhere, the system hums—
healthy, audited, congratulated—
while Peter balances nothing,
and Paul remains, impeccably, broke.

How to Keep a Snail Alive

Garden snail moving slowly across stone, a quiet reminder of patience and gentle care

I keep a garden snail
not in a box
not in a jar
but in an agreement.

The agreement is simple.
I do not rush.
He does not explain.

Each morning I leave
a damp leaf
as if it were a letter
saying I remembered you.

He answers
by remaining alive.

The snail requires very little:
shade that means it,
water that arrives quietly,
and a world that does not suddenly decide
to be important.

When I forget myself
and think speed is truth,
he retracts.
When I calm down,
he resumes the future.

He has no ambition
beyond crossing a stone
by Tuesday
and surviving the birds’ opinions.

And yet
if I can keep this creature content—
with no plans,
no praise,
no comprehension of my efforts—
then perhaps living is not mastery.

Perhaps it is maintenance.

If I can keep a snail happy,
fed,
unpanicked,
unharmed by my cleverness,
then I can live anything.

Even me.


The story behind this story.

Thanks to my very great friend Alicia, my reading and writing life has been enriched with her curiosity and her vast knowledge of the book world. From authors long forgotten to those still weaving every story from mystery to culture to comedy to the most unusual authors I would never have considered without her most welcome interference.

Imagine my surprise when she sent me a photo of a snail and said “Meet my new pet”. So out of character, but then my knowledge of Alicia tells me there is something deep and profound in this peculiar statement, I just need to find it.

The result is the above poem which, as you have probably gathered, isn’t really about a snail. The snail is simply a quiet way into something more human.

At its heart, the poem explores what it feels like to care for something that cannot be hurried, impressed, or persuaded. A garden snail doesn’t respond to effort or intention in the way people do. It doesn’t reward anxiety or ambition. It simply reacts to calm, consistency, and gentleness. That makes the relationship oddly honest.

Many of us live with a constant sense of pressure — to do more, be quicker, justify ourselves, explain our choices, and keep up with an ever-moving world. The snail exists outside all of that. It has no interest in explanations or outcomes. When the poem says, “I do not rush. He does not explain,” it captures a rare peace: a space where nothing needs defending or proving.

The small daily acts in the poem — leaving a damp leaf, choosing shade, moving quietly — reflect a form of care that modern life often overlooks. This isn’t dramatic or self-sacrificing love. It’s ordinary attention. And that ordinariness is what makes it powerful. The snail’s only response is that it continues to live. Somehow, that feels like enough.

The poem also gently reverses the usual idea of control. When the person becomes stressed or hurried, the snail retreats. When calm returns, so does the snail. In this way, the animal mirrors something very familiar: how our own inner world tightens under pressure and opens when treated kindly.

The final lines offer the poem’s quiet insight. If we can keep something small, slow, and vulnerable safe and content — without needing recognition or success — then living isn’t about achievement at all. It’s about learning not to harm what is fragile, including ourselves.

I hope people like this poem not because it is clever, but because it feels like permission. Permission to slow down. Permission to care without justification. Permission to believe that gentleness, consistency, and patience are not weaknesses, but ways of staying alive.

In that sense, the snail becomes a reminder: living well doesn’t always mean doing more. Sometimes it simply means being careful enough to let life continue.

Celebrating Hump Day: Poems for Wednesday Motivation

Midweek’s here, they call it hump—
A Wednesday pause, a middle bump.
We glance behind at days now done,
Yet weekend’s not yet quite begun.

It’s that awkward sort of middle ground,
Too far from either end we’ve found.
Not quite enough to call it a win,
Not enough time to really begin.

But here we are on Wednesday’s hill,
Halfway up and onward still.
A little poem to mark the day,
As we push through the week’s halfway.

Wednesday—the day caught between what hasn’t happened and what won’t.

Letter XX – The Municipal Mirage

A once-civic institution, now hollowed by bureaucracy and central control.

By Martyn Walker
Published in Letters from a Nation in Decline

Once upon a time—within living memory, though now spoken of as though it were some sepia-toned idyll—the local council was exactly that: local. A modest civic body, often dull, occasionally officious, but recognisably part of the community whose money it spent. One imagines the town clerk of 1958, sleeves rolled, spectacles perched, frowning over the drainage budget with the stoicism of a man who knows he will meet the ratepayers in the butcher’s queue tomorrow morning. He was not a visionary, a strategist, a consultant, or a “stakeholder partner.” He merely fixed the roads, emptied the bins, and ensured the library opened on time. He did so because the town needed these things, and because the town paid for them.

Compare that modest creature with today’s municipal apparatus, a body swollen to the point of deformity, draped in managerial jargon and trembling under a hundred mutually contradictory regulations. Instead of the honest if plodding civil servant, we have entire platoons of officers whose professional identity is built not on service but on compliance. They do not shape the town; they interpret guidance. They do not defend local interests; they “engage” with frameworks. Their task is not to steward a place but to satisfy a central state that increasingly views local government as one more branch office—an outpost of Whitehall’s neurotic empire.

The transfiguration began when successive governments, each convinced of its own modernising brilliance, decided that the real problem with councils was that they were too responsive to their residents. Better, they thought, to strip away those old provincial arrangements and replace them with uniform “administrative units,” reorganised, rationalised and sanitised to within an inch of their lives. The result was the 1970s map: fewer councils, larger councils, and officials less likely to know the names of the streets they regulated. Efficiency, we were told. Progress, we were told. It has been downhill ever since.

A once-civic institution, now hollowed by bureaucracy and central control.
A once-civic institution, now hollowed by bureaucracy and central control.

Then came the centralisers. Rate-capping, council tax limits, mandatory duties without matching funds: every lever was pulled to ensure that no local authority could so much as adjust a streetlight without permission from the capital. A Section 114 notice—local government’s version of sticking a “CLOSED FOR LACK OF MONEY” sign in the window—now hangs over dozens of authorities. The modern councillor governs nothing; he monitors a collapse, anxiously hoping that the Treasury might, in its mercy, approve a little more debt to keep the lights on.

And so to the regulations. If the older council was a steward, the modern council is a defendant—permanently awaiting judgement from a tribunal of auditors, inspectors, commissioners, ombudsmen, regulators and activist lawyers. Procurement law alone could cripple a lesser civilisation: tomes of directives dictating the precise choreography by which a council may purchase so much as a mop. The process is so paralysing that only the largest and most expensive corporations can complete it, creating a tidy cartel of outsourcers who speak the language of “KPIs” and “transformation pathways” while delivering services that are, at best, adequate and, at worst, catastrophic.

The tragedy is not merely the cost, though the cost is obscene. It is the culture. Preventive services, those quiet institutions that make a town bearable—youth centres, libraries, local works, the unobtrusive odd-jobbing that keeps a place civilised—have been amputated so that councils can funnel their remaining budget into statutory duties that grow more demanding every year. Social care now consumes the lion’s share of municipal budgets, not because councils have suddenly discovered humanitarian zeal, but because the law compels it and the courts enforce it.

Thus we inhabit the paradox of the British state: councils more elaborate than ever, producing worse public spaces than at any time since rationing. Potholes gape like geological features. Parks resemble the aftermath of a sullen strike. Planning departments take years to produce decisions that amount to artful apologies for not producing any decisions at all. What the average citizen sees is decay. What the average council produces is paperwork.

If the England of the post-war decades possessed a municipal ethic, it has been replaced by a municipal mirage: a swollen bureaucracy masquerading as governance, a system designed chiefly to protect itself from blame. It consumes money without delivering value, enforces rules without delivering order, and utters slogans about “communities” while retreating from the very notion of civic duty.

The state tells us this is progress: professionalism, standardisation, compliance, equality. But a town that cannot fix its own pavements is not progressing. A council that answers to Whitehall more readily than to its residents is not local. And a nation in which the simplest act of governance costs three times what it did half a century ago—and delivers a third of the quality—is not declining by accident.

It is declining by design. The design, as usual, belongs to people who do not have to live with the consequences.


When the state expands its procedures faster than its competence, decline arrives not as a crisis but as a schedule—issued quarterly, audited annually, and noticed by the public only when the bins stop being emptied.

Entropy’s Child

Digital painting for the poem "Entropy’s Child," showing a glowing human silhouette dissolving into stardust against a cosmic background, with Saturn to the left and swirling galaxies behind.

The universe, vast and timeless as it turns,
One among infinite, where eternity burns.
Each atom, each thought, a unique, fleeting spark,
In the grand, endless dance of light and of dark.

If time is unending, if space has no edge,
Then what of the self, with no memory to pledge?
This life is a moment, a breath in the flow,
Yet in infinite cycles, we rise and we go.

The universe spins with no purpose or will,
Indifferent to wishes, yet wondrously still,
In this vast, restless cosmos, might we not return,
As the stars keep on burning, as the galaxies churn?

So perhaps we shall live, time and time once more,
In a universe infinite, with mysteries galore.
What can happen will happen, and thus we may see,
In the grand wheel of existence, the return of you and me.

Authors Note

Although the rhythm and subject of this poem differ, those familiar with The City of Dreadful Night by James Thomson will detect an underlying current that owes much to that remarkable work.

This poem was written in 1974, during my time at Belmont School, Holmbury St Mary. It was inspired by a debate organised by our English Literature teacher, Mr Ballantyne. The topic was “Reincarnation is real”. I was on the team tasked with arguing in favour — no small challenge for an 13-year-old who had, at the time, no idea what reincarnation was.

To prepare, I retreated to the school library and began my research (encouraged and assisted by Mr Ballantyne himself). There, in a rather ancient encyclopaedia (I suspect it predated Britannica by several decades), I stumbled upon a passage quoting James Thomson (BV), which conveyed in essence the belief that death is final. Regrettably, I can no longer recall the precise quotation, and indeed The City of Dreadful Night offers so many bleak and masterful reflections that it is difficult to pinpoint which one it was.

Nonetheless, I remember vividly how deeply Thomson’s writing struck me. His sombre vision of life left a lasting impression. Over fifty years later, certain passages still linger in my mind — testimony to the power of his words.

You will find the full text of The City of Dreadful Night on Project Gutenberg. In particular, you may notice how the poem presented here draws upon the mood and tone of the four stanzas that begin as follows:

The world rolls round for ever like a mill;
It grinds out death and life and good and ill;
It has no purpose, heart or mind or will.

“While air of Space and Time’s full river flow
The mill must blindly whirl unresting so:
It may be wearing out, but who can know?

“Man might know one thing were his sight less dim;
That it whirls not to suit his petty whim,
That it is quite indifferent to him.

“Nay, does it treat him harshly as he saith?
It grinds him some slow years of bitter breath,
Then grinds him back into eternal death.”

A Single Rose in Tianjin: The Quiet Legacy of China’s Last Emperor

An elderly Chinese man in a grey worker’s uniform and cap delicately trims a rose bush in a quiet courtyard. The background shows a traditional Chinese building with tiled roofs, symbolising the serenity and anonymity Puyi found in his final years as a gardener.

From throne to trowel, this poetic reflection traces the life of Puyi—from imperial captivity to peaceful obscurity—revealing how China’s last emperor found dignity not in power, but in planting a single flower.

The Last Gate

It did not feel like exile. It felt like air.
Crisper than I had expected, colder than I had ever known. Outside the red walls, the wind behaved differently — it had no memory, no protocol, no need to announce itself. In the Forbidden City, even the wind bowed.

My shoes were wrong for this. Soft soles meant for silk carpets, not flagstones wet with Beijing’s early winter. I was dressed formally — not for ceremony, but out of habit. When you are Emperor from the age of two, dressing down feels like treason.

A general, or perhaps a policeman — it’s difficult to say who wore what in that period — motioned silently to the cart. A rickshaw. Not even a carriage. I didn’t protest. I stepped in. The wheels squeaked. Behind me, the vermilion gate closed. Not loudly. Just… finally.

I looked once over my shoulder, half-expecting some retainer to appear, to whisper “There’s been a mistake, Your Majesty.”
But no one came.

The gate, with its nine brass studs across each panel, was just a gate now.

A Guest with No Kingdom

The Japanese legation compound stood in the old Legation Quarter — a leftover from another era of humiliation, where Western powers and Japan had carved out slices of my capital and flown foreign flags above our soil. Now I arrived not as emperor, but as a guest without a kingdom. My welcome was polite, mechanical. They called me “Your Majesty” with the tone one might use to address a child who still insists on being called “Captain” weeks after losing his toy boat.

They offered me a modest suite — carved screens, lacquered panels, a writing desk too ornate to be useful. I tried to write once. A diary entry. I tore it up. It was all adjectives and no feeling.

Reginald Johnston visited once or twice, his eyes grey with something like pity. He had been my tutor, my friend, my bridge to the modern world. He had tried, in vain, to prepare me for life outside the walls. Now he stood awkwardly in the threshold, hat in hand, watching as the world he once translated for me now consumed me whole.

“You’re being treated decently?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said. “As a museum piece is treated.”

He frowned. “Don’t let them use you, Puyi.”

I laughed then — a thin, sharp sound. “Is there another option?”


The days passed slowly. I was neither free nor captive. Not a prisoner, but not allowed to leave without permission. The staff brought meals. Courteous, distant. The Japanese advisors came often. Polite at first, then more confident. They spoke of destiny, of restoration, of Manchuria.

“You were born to rule,” one said, eyes gleaming behind round spectacles. “And Manchukuo needs a ruler.”

I asked what “Manchukuo” was. He produced a map. A puppet outline of a country that did not yet exist. I was to be its emperor. A new dynasty, they said. Modern, orderly. Japanese-guided, of course — but mine in name. They called it a sacred duty to the people of Asia.

I stared at the map. I saw no throne. Just train lines, coal fields, military zones, factories.

But I nodded.

I told myself this was my chance to make something of the past. A bridge between eras. That I would rule wisely. That I would not be a puppet.

But deep inside, I knew the truth.

They were offering me a costume. And I, desperate for the applause of history, was too vain to refuse.


Nights were the worst. In the Forbidden City, I had often heard nothing but the rustle of robes and the distant call of drums. Here, the city was alive. Trams screeched. Men shouted. Radios buzzed with unfamiliar music. Beijing no longer whispered. It shouted over me.

I once ventured to the edge of the compound, where I could see the street. A child ran past, laughing, chasing a paper kite. He did not bow. Did not look. He had no idea who I was.

And for the first time in my life, I felt something close to envy.

Not of his freedom — I did not yet understand that.
But of his irrelevance.

Manchukuo: The Emperor’s Mask

They met me at the station in Changchun with banners and artificial smiles. It was 1932. Snow dusted the rails, clean and bright, like the surface of a lie. They had renamed the city Xinjing — “New Capital.” I was not fooled by the name. New cities are not built from steel and slogans, but from trust and soil. This had neither.

My arrival was staged like a play. Soldiers lined the route. Schoolchildren waved flags none of them understood. The Japanese officials smiled with the smug satisfaction of stage managers watching their puppet enter stage left on cue.

I was led to my new residence — not a palace, but a mansion. Square, sterile, built in Japanese modernist style. It had everything except history. No ghosts in the beams, no echoes in the stone. Just furniture polished to the point of absurdity, and paper walls that let in every sound except truth.

They called me “Emperor of Manchukuo.” But I was no longer even the shadow of an emperor. I was a figurehead for a nation that existed on maps printed in Tokyo and nowhere else. The cabinet ministers were Japanese. The military was Japanese. Even the food on my table bore the flavours of Kyoto, not Beijing.

I once asked to appoint my own minister of justice. The request was met with a pause, followed by a soft “We will consider it.” I never received a reply.


And yet — part of me welcomed the theatre.

I wore the robes. I stood on balconies. I signed decrees written in a language I no longer trusted. I delivered speeches full of rhetoric about harmony, progress, and Asian brotherhood, knowing full well the brother wore a sword.

The throne was a polished chair. The sceptre was a fountain pen. The empire was a lie.

But I smiled. I told myself lies too. That I was keeping China alive, even in exile. That I would regain influence. That I could guide the future from behind the curtain, like the old regents in the Hall of Supreme Harmony.

But when I looked at my reflection in the lacquered black of my desk, I saw no Son of Heaven. I saw a young man rehearsing authority. A borrowed emperor, seated atop a ventriloquist’s stand.


My court was a museum. We paraded rituals whose meanings had vanished. There were still kowtows, still officials in Qing dress — but their eyes were empty. One courtier told me of his new Japanese watch, then bowed three times with perfect formality. Another drank heavily and muttered that “emperors are for calendars.”

Once, during a storm, the power failed. The lights went out. No one moved. I sat alone in the throne room, lit by a single candle someone had placed near the dais. The wind howled outside. I imagined the Japanese standing just beyond the walls, watching, smirking, waiting for me to panic.

I did not. I sat there, silently, until morning.

And that was when I knew.

I was no longer even pretending to rule. I was pretending to be me.

The Collapse

The empire ended not with gunfire, but with silence.

It was August 1945. The Japanese had surrendered. Hiroshima had been flattened. Nagasaki followed. I heard the news in fragments — a nervous official with cracked glasses whispered of “unconditional surrender,” his voice trembling more from disbelief than fear.

In Manchukuo, the Japanese commanders vanished almost overnight. Uniforms were stripped, flags burned, papers dumped into fireplaces that hadn’t been lit in years. The palace, once a hive of surveillance and staged ceremony, became eerily quiet. A few aides remained — confused, loyal, or simply too late to flee.

I was told to flee. “Your Majesty, we must get you to safety.”

Safety. An interesting word for a man who had never known what danger truly was.

They put me on a plane — a Japanese military transport, rusty and unreliable. It lifted from a makeshift runway with smoke on the horizon and my stomach full of dread. I was still carrying the imperial seal, tucked in a velvet pouch beneath my coat, as if I could stamp my way out of oblivion.

We didn’t get far.


The Soviets found us in Mukden. I had hoped they would treat me as a dignitary. Perhaps allow me exile. Perhaps hand me gently to the Americans, who, I told myself, might appreciate the novelty of an emperor.

Instead, I was loaded into a truck, then a train, then a grey building where my name had no value.

The Russian guards did not beat me. They did not speak to me. They watched. Like I was something in a jar.

I was held in a place called Khabarovsk — a military compound of concrete and questions. The food was bland but sufficient. I was not mistreated. Just… neutralised. I spent my days staring at frost-rimmed windows and wondering if they would ever call my name again.

They didn’t.

Weeks became months. The winter froze even my thoughts. I began to doubt I had ever been emperor. The court, the robes, the rituals — they felt like scenes from a play I had performed in too long ago to remember. I dreamt of the Forbidden City, but the colours were fading. The yellow roofs, the incense, the calligraphy — they drifted in my memory like petals on water.

One night I asked the guard for a pen. He didn’t understand. I mimed writing. He shook his head.

I never tried again.


Eventually, they handed me over.

It was 1950 when the Soviets, tiring of their Chinese trophy, gave me back. Not to restoration, as I had once fantasised, but to the People’s Republic — a country reborn in slogans and cement.

I was told I would be “re-educated.”

At first, I laughed. Quietly, but bitterly. How do you re-educate someone who had never been properly educated in the first place?

But I was sent to Fushun War Criminals Management Centre all the same.

There were no guards with whips. No chains. Just beds, grey walls, and a new kind of theatre — one where the audience and performers were the same. Each morning we woke, saluted Mao’s portrait, and recited lessons. We confessed. We critiqued one another. We debated ideology with the earnestness of drowning men describing the sun.

And slowly, something happened.

I stopped lying. At first in small ways — admitting fear, embarrassment, vanity. Then in larger ways — admitting complicity, cowardice, blindness. I read Marx not because I believed, but because I needed something to fill the hollow.

I swept floors. I cleaned toilets. I wrote pages of reflection, trying to understand how I had become so empty, so used to being used.

I began to believe the re-education was working.

Not because it gave me truth.

Confession and Re-education

They gave me a grey uniform and a number.

I was no longer “Your Majesty,” no longer even “Puyi.” Just inmate 981. At Fushun War Criminals Management Centre, names were an indulgence of the past. We had categories now: traitor, collaborator, counter-revolutionary. I was all three. I wore it like a second skin, stitched by the choices I had convinced myself were survival.

My first task was to sweep the corridor. It took me two hours — not because it was long, but because I had never held a broom. The bristles caught on the uneven concrete, and the handle gave splinters. My palms bled, a quiet rebellion from hands that had once signed edicts on silk scrolls.

I thought the guards would jeer, or mock. They didn’t. They watched. Always watching. Like gardeners waiting to see if a buried seed would sprout or rot.


The real punishment was not physical. It was dialogue. Every day, group sessions. Eight men in a circle, stools arranged like a tribunal. We recited the “Three Critiques”: critique of the self, of others, of the imperialist past.

At first, I spoke in abstractions.

“I was misled by my advisors.”
“I was unaware of the suffering.”
“I was a child in the hands of stronger powers.”

But they weren’t interested in excuses. They wanted blood. They wanted my soul, or the admission that I had never had one to begin with.

So I began to say it.

“I betrayed my country.”
“I aided the invaders.”
“I let men die for the sake of my throne, which was not a throne at all, but a prop.”

The first time I said those words, something cracked. Not loudly. Not like a bowl shattering. More like the subtle sound of paper tearing down the spine.

I cried that night, in the dark. Not out of sorrow. Not even guilt. But confusion. I no longer knew what was true. Was I sorry because I understood? Or because they wanted me to be?


Months passed. Then years.

I kept confessing. First out of fear. Then habit. Then, unexpectedly, relief.

The act of confession became something like prayer. A form of worship — not to Mao, not to Marx — but to reality. To clarity. I began to recognise patterns in myself: the vanity of my boyhood, the selfish hunger for status, the constant search for someone to blame.

I once watched a fellow inmate — a former general — break down after admitting he had ordered executions for personal revenge. He sobbed like a child, then looked at me and said, “I thought I was serving order. I was just cleaning up after my own pride.”

I nodded. I understood. The line between order and vanity had blurred for both of us long ago.


One afternoon, I was brought before a tribunal. Not for sentencing, but for evaluation.

A man in a brown tunic — expressionless, his hair thinning — asked me, “What are you now?”

I replied, “I am a Chinese citizen.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Not a monarch? Not a victim?”

I looked at the floor.

“I am… a man who once thought he was above other men. Now I am simply one of them.”

He nodded. Wrote something. The meeting ended. Three months later, they told me I would be released.


I left Fushun with no fanfare. I had entered a prisoner. I exited a man with a folded shirt, a toothbrush, and a modest pension from the state. The gate did not feel like freedom. It felt like air again — familiar, cold, and indifferent.

I looked at my hands. They were rough now — scarred from work, not warfare. Fingers once manicured by eunuchs now calloused by years of scrubbing floors and cleaning latrines. And yet, for the first time in my life, they felt like they belonged to me. Not instruments of ceremony or symbols of inherited rule — just hands. Capable, honest, and mine. I had learned how to use them — not just to sweep or carry, but to live without illusion. That, above all, was what re-education had given me: not truth, but the slow, merciful removal of every lie I had once mistaken for purpose.

The Faces of Revolution

I returned to Beijing like a man waking from a long illness. The streets were unfamiliar. Not because they had changed — though they had — but because I now saw them without tinted glass. I was no longer carried, protected, or observed. I was simply… present.

The old palaces had been turned into museums or offices. The alleyways buzzed with bicycles and vendors. No one bowed. No one saluted. Most didn’t look at me at all.

That, more than anything, felt like freedom.

I lived in a small government dormitory, a concrete building the colour of boiled rice. I was given a ration card, a basic stipend, and instructions not to “interfere in political affairs.” I had no intention of doing so. The only affairs that concerned me now were water, soil, and light.


The job came through a Party liaison — gardening assistant at the Botanical Institute. I was to weed, water, and prune. A peony bed in the south courtyard became my first charge. I tended it as one might an old friend who had returned after many years — quietly, carefully, and with unspoken regret.

One crisp morning, as I knelt beside a row of sweet osmanthus, a voice behind me said, “Your Majesty, may I?”

I turned sharply.

An older man stood there, lean, stoop-shouldered, his face weathered like dry parchment. He wore the standard blue Mao tunic, but there was elegance in his stillness.

“I used to serve you,” he said, with a gentle smile. “You wouldn’t remember me. Few did.”

I stood slowly. “You’re mistaken. I don’t—”

“No, no,” he said, waving the air gently. “I didn’t expect you to. I polished brass hinges in the Hall of Mental Cultivation. Daily. For ten years. We saw each other most mornings — though I doubt you saw me.”

He bowed, not out of deference, but familiarity. A habit he hadn’t quite shaken.

I stared. “You’re right. I don’t remember. I’m sorry.”

He smiled again, more warmly this time. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. You were a prisoner. A gilded one, but still a prisoner. Every meal brought on a tray, every opinion chosen for you before you spoke. You saw what they wanted you to see.”

His clarity startled me. “I thought I was ruling.”

“You were being managed,” he said softly. “That’s not the same.”


We sat on a nearby bench, the garden blooming quietly around us. He introduced himself simply as Mr. Shen. No surname, no titles. Just a name carried through decades like an old coin in a deep pocket.

I asked about his life.

“Uneventful, mostly,” he said. “Which is a kind of blessing. We were poor. Still are, in truth. But I married. We had four children. One died. Three live. One teaches maths, one drives a coal truck, and one —” he paused, chuckled, “writes slogans for the Ministry of Culture. He’s very clever. I don’t understand half of what he says, but it sounds patriotic, so I nod.”

I laughed with him.

He turned his gaze to the gravel path. “I was almost beaten to death once.”

I blinked. “By whom?”

“Japanese soldiers. 1942. Caught me with food I wasn’t supposed to have. It was meant for a starving neighbour. I said nothing. Took the beating. They left me half-conscious in a shed near the railway.”

He scratched the side of his neck thoughtfully.

“One of the younger soldiers returned. A boy, really. Barely seventeen. He was shaken. Said he didn’t agree with what had happened. Asked if I needed water.”

“Did you take it?” I asked.

“No. I gave it to him. He had a wound on his arm. Nothing terrible, but infected. I cleaned it. Told him how to wrap it.”

“Why?” I said, surprised.

Mr. Shen tilted his head. “Because he was human. And I didn’t want to carry more hatred. It’s heavy.”

I said nothing. He continued.

“Three days later, that boy came back with forged documents and whispered a single name to me. A Korean merchant who smuggled people out through a checkpoint. My wife and I took the risk. We walked three nights and didn’t look back.”

He rubbed his knees. “Sometimes one life is saved by another. Without ever knowing it.”


We sat in silence for a while. The scent of damp earth and chrysanthemum drifted on the breeze. I turned to him.

“Do you think I can still be… of use?”

He looked at me calmly. “You already are. You’re here, aren’t you? You’re speaking truth. You’re planting things that will outlive you. What more do you want?”

I sighed. “To know I was more than just a mistake.”

Mr. Shen put a hand on my shoulder. “You weren’t a mistake. You were a boy placed in an impossible role. Now, you are a man choosing a quiet one. That is something.”


That night, in my room, I picked up my small journal. I wrote just one sentence:

“Today, I met someone who remembered me as I was — and forgave me as I am.”

A vibrant bouquet of pink and white peony flowers in full bloom.

Peonies and Dust

The peonies arrived in April, shy and swollen with promise.

They emerged slowly, with the kind of patience I had never been taught. First a green bud, tight and folded like a secret. Then a hint of blush, then pale pink petals that unfurled as though remembering something. I watched them each morning with the reverence once reserved for court ritual.

They were neither obedient nor indifferent — simply alive. They grew with no ceremony, no command. And they did not need me to bloom. My work was only to remove the stones, to guard against disease, to ensure water reached where it must. That, I had come to believe, was enough.

The old instincts still flickered now and then. When someone bowed a little too deeply, I stiffened. When I heard the word “Majesty” on the radio — even in reference to foreign royalty — my breath caught for half a second.

But those moments passed more quickly now.


I began to see people differently too.

A woman who worked the compost heap, hands stained brown to the wrists, taught me how to turn kitchen scraps into soil. A Party clerk, who used to draft propaganda posters, gave me a cutting from his grandfather’s orchid and said, “Even slogans need beauty.” The quiet girl from the herb garden read poetry aloud on Tuesdays, her voice trembling only when she recited from memory.

No one cared who I had been. Most had never heard of me. A few thought I had been an actor.

And in that anonymity, I found something extraordinary — not freedom exactly, but permission. To be.

I had never been allowed to be before. Not as a child-Emperor locked behind walls. Not as a puppet ruler blinking into cameras. Not even in Fushun, where I had to confess my soul in someone else’s language.

Now, I carried water. I turned soil. I spoke plainly.


One afternoon I caught myself scolding a boy — a volunteer who had crushed a patch of young chrysanthemum with his bicycle.

“You don’t understand,” I snapped. “That bed took two seasons to root properly!”

He looked terrified.

I stopped, realising how absurd I must have sounded. I exhaled slowly, crouched beside the damage, and showed him how to lift the roots gently, how to replant what could be saved. He listened, wide-eyed. I realised I was smiling.

Later, I wrote:

“Once, I ruled men who feared me. Now I teach boys to be gentle with roots. This is better.”


At dusk, when most had gone home, I often stayed behind. Not out of duty — I was no longer trying to impress anyone. But because the light in the garden was kind in the evening, slanting low and gold across the stone paths. Dust would rise in the air, catching the sun, and for a brief moment everything seemed suspended — like the final page of a story before the book is closed.

Sometimes I’d find Mr. Shen there, watching the light with the quiet satisfaction of a man who has earned nothing and regrets even less.

“You’ve changed,” he said one evening, handing me a flask of warm tea.

“Not sure that’s the word,” I said. “More like… unravelled.”

He nodded. “Then perhaps now, finally, you’re becoming someone.”


I often thought about legacy. Not the statues and names engraved in stone. That kind of legacy was too fragile, too prone to melting under a new flag. No, I had come to see legacy in a different way.

In the health of the soil.

In the bloom of a flower long after the hand that planted it has turned to dust.

In the young gardener who will one day step into my patch, dig with the same care, and never once wonder who planted the first root.

And that, I thought, was as it should be.

Visitors in the Garden

It began with a photograph.

Someone — perhaps a Party functionary, perhaps a former court hanger-on who had reinvented himself — had published a grainy image of me in a gardening cap, pruning shears in hand, beside a rosebush. The caption read:
“Former Emperor Puyi: Now a Model Citizen.”

It was meant as propaganda. Proof of the revolution’s success — look how even the last emperor tills soil beneath the watchful eye of the People’s Republic. But Beijing is a city of whispers, and whispers travel faster than any newspaper.

Within weeks, they started coming.

Not in crowds. Not with banners. Just one or two at a time. Middle-aged women with hesitant smiles. Men who lingered at the garden gate, pretending to read the plant names. Some approached quietly, with eyes full of history.

“Were you…?” they’d ask, almost embarrassed.

“Yes,” I would say, before they finished. “That was a long time ago.”

Sometimes they asked for my opinion on politics. I had none to give. Sometimes they wanted stories from the palace. I shared a few — gentle ones, uncontroversial. Tales of dragon robes and carp ponds. I left out the loneliness. The watching eyes. The hunger to matter.


One day, a man in a Western coat arrived with his daughter. He bowed slightly — the kind of bow that had muscle memory behind it.

“My grandfather worked for you,” he said. “He called you the ‘quiet boy behind the yellow screens.’”

I nodded. “That sounds about right.”

He held out a photograph. It showed a young boy — me — standing beside an ornate table, face blank with duty, hands too still.

“I just wanted to thank you,” he said. “For being part of our history.”

I looked at the photograph for a long moment. Then handed it back.

“Better to be part of the soil now,” I said, pointing to the chrysanthemums behind me. “At least those bloom on time.”


But not all the visitors came with soft intentions.

One woman, perhaps in her fifties, stood glaring near the peony bed for over an hour before finally approaching.

“My father died in Manchukuo,” she said. “Fighting the Japanese. He blamed you.”

I swallowed. “He wasn’t wrong.”

She seemed taken aback.

“I didn’t know him,” I said, gently. “But I know what it is to be used.”

She stared at me for a long while. Then, almost reluctantly, said, “He used to grow peonies, too. In Hebei.”

She didn’t smile. But she didn’t spit, either.

And then she left.


I discussed it later with Mr. Shen.

“They come to see a relic,” I muttered.

“No,” he said. “They come to understand what history means when it’s no longer in a book. You are not a relic, Puyi. You are a footnote with breath. A name that still answers.”

“I wish they’d forget me.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Then why did you answer her?”

I had no reply.


That evening, a young woman — no more than twenty — came with a sketchpad. She sat quietly on the far bench, drawing the late-blooming roses. As she left, she walked past me and said, “Thank you for tending the garden. My grandmother always said emperors were cold. But flowers are not.”

I smiled. “They’re not. But they bruise easily.”

“So do emperors,” she replied, and walked on.


In the weeks that followed, I noticed fewer stares. The novelty faded. The soil remained. The blooms came and went. The visitors stopped asking questions.

And I was grateful.

Because I was beginning to realise:
When people stop needing your past, you’re finally allowed to have a present.

The Autumn of Names

Autumn brought the smell of dry earth and rotting leaves. The chrysanthemums held out longer than expected — gold and deep crimson — but even they surrendered eventually, their petals curling inward like old letters sealed and forgotten.

I found the season oddly comforting. There was no pretence in decay. No ceremony in falling leaves. Just the slow and honest unraveling of life’s excess.

It was then that I began to think more often about my name.

Aisin Gioro Puyi.
Son of Heaven. Lord of Ten Thousand Years. Last Emperor of the Qing.

Once, those syllables had summoned palaces to attention, caused ministers to kneel, and filled rooms with the sharp rustle of silk against marble.

Now, they lived only on faded calligraphy and bureaucratic records. Even the local Party office referred to me simply as “Citizen Pu.” Sometimes, on forms, I signed “Aisin Puyi.” Other times, just “Puyi.” Once, I forgot and signed only “Pu,” and no one corrected me.

A gardener by any name, after all, still weeds the same way.


But names mattered, didn’t they? Names were how history remembered you — or didn’t.

The name “Emperor” had long since detached from me like a title deed to a house that no longer existed. Sometimes people still used it — mostly older folk, out of habit, not loyalty. The younger ones found it curious, even amusing.

One boy, no more than sixteen, once asked, “Did you really believe you were chosen by heaven?”

I thought about it, and said, “No. But I believed I wasn’t allowed to question it.”

He nodded with a wisdom beyond his years. “That’s how most people feel about fate, I think.”


I began to sort through my things.

I owned very little — a few books, some tools, an old photograph of the Forbidden City taken from the air. I folded my spare tunic. I sharpened my pruning shears and oiled their hinge. I made small notes in the margins of my gardening ledger.

There was a time when I imagined writing memoirs — grand volumes in gold-trimmed covers, filled with insight and imperial dignity. Now I thought perhaps a single page would do. Not about the throne. Not even about the war.

But about the peony.

How it struggles in its first year, confused by the shock of transplantation. How its roots twist against stones, slow to settle. How its first bloom is modest — hesitant, even — but if tended with patience, it returns stronger each spring.

There was a kind of metaphor there, I supposed. But I had long stopped pointing them out.


One evening, Mr. Shen found me beneath the ginkgo tree, a rake in my hand, my back aching.

“You should rest,” he said. “You’re not young anymore.”

“I was never young,” I replied, wincing slightly.

He chuckled. “That’s true. You skipped straight from cradle to crown.”

I sat on a nearby stone, brushing leaf dust from my sleeves.

“Do you ever wonder how they’ll remember us?” I asked.

Mr. Shen rubbed his chin. “I think most people won’t. At least not properly. We become names in textbooks. Or anecdotes. Or nothing.”

He paused.

“But memory isn’t legacy. Legacy is what you leave growing. What flourishes when you’re no longer looking.”

I looked at the ginkgo’s golden fan-shaped leaves scattering around us.

“I hope they forget me completely,” I said, “but keep the flowers alive.”

He nodded. “Then you’ve already succeeded.”


That night, I wrote one final note in my journal:

“There are names carved in stone. And there are names whispered in spring when something blooms and no one knows why. I have no interest in the stone.”

A Single Rose

It bloomed late.

A rose — small, ivory white, almost shy — on the far edge of the western bed, where the soil had always been stingy and the sun reluctant. I hadn’t planted it. Not directly. Perhaps it was a graft from an older root, or a survivor of some careless gardener’s forgotten trial.

But there it was. Unexpected. Unasked for.

And quietly perfect.


That morning, I knelt beside it with the care one might offer a relic or a final confession. I touched a petal — soft as breath — and let my fingers linger. It trembled slightly under the weight of the breeze, or perhaps time.

I didn’t call anyone over. I didn’t record it in the garden log. I simply watched.

Around me, the city moved — bicycles on gravel paths, distant loudspeakers reciting slogans, the slow sweep of a broom on concrete. Beijing in its new skin.

Inside me, there was no longing.

Not for palaces. Not for ceremony. Not even for forgiveness.

I thought of the men who had bowed to me. The women I had married but never truly known. The courtiers, the generals, the Party instructors, the guards. Even the Soviet interpreter who once told me I spoke Mandarin like someone reading an opera libretto.

And then I thought of Mr. Shen. Of the compost woman. Of the boy who crushed the chrysanthemums. Of the girl who read poetry. Of the rose, quietly defiant in the stubborn soil.

And I smiled.


When I stood to leave, I plucked the rose — not for display, not for ceremony — but as a gesture to the life that grows when no one is watching.

At home, I placed it in a small jar. No water. No vase. Just a cracked ceramic cup once used to rinse brushes in the palace school. The rose stood perfectly still on the table as I made tea.

That night, I dreamt I was planting trees. Not alone. Not for an empire. Just planting.

And no one called me emperor.

And no one needed to.

Seen from behind, an elderly man in a long brown coat walks down a tree-lined path toward ornate iron gates, carrying a single white rose. The golden light of sunset bathes the scene, evoking a quiet, romantic sense of farewell and closure.

Epilogue

When I died, there was no parade. No black horses, no imperial wailing. Just a modest cremation and a government-issued notice of passing:
“Citizen Pu Yi, aged 61.”

But the garden still stands.

And every few years, a single white rose appears on the western edge of the bed.

No one knows who planted it.

But it blooms just the same.

A single white rose with a subtle hint of pink lies on its side against a soft white background, symbolising remembrance, grace, and the quiet passage of time.

A Single Rose in Tianjin

No throne remains, no court, no crown,
Just whispers in a northern town.
Where once he ruled, now silence grows—
His legacy: a single rose.

In Tianjin’s heart, on Anshan Road,
A garden where his story slowed.
Jingyuan, the Garden of Serenity,
Holds echoes of his identity.

From emperor to gardener’s grace,
He found his peace in this quiet place.
No longer bound by royal decree,
He tended plants with humility.

Visitors come, the curious kind,
Seeking traces he left behind.
But find instead a tranquil scene,
Where history and nature convene.

No monuments of marble stand,
Just blooming flowers by his hand.
A testament to life’s repose—
His legacy: a single rose.

Visiting Jingyuan (Garden of Serenity):

  • Location: No. 70 Anshan Road, Heping District, Tianjin, China.
  • Getting There: Accessible via Tianjin Metro Line 1, Anshan Road Station, or by buses No. 3, 50, 673, 632, and 800.
  • Opening Hours: Tuesday to Sunday, 8:30 AM – 12:00 PM and 1:30 PM – 4:30 PM. Closed on Mondays.
  • Admission: Approximately 20 Yuan.

Jingyuan, once Puyi’s residence, now serves as a museum preserving the memory of China’s last emperor and the serenity he found in his final years.